(set: $sanity=5)
(set: $friendshipErica = 5)
Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You're a highschool student, making it through despite having been diagnosed with moderate depressive and anxiety disorder by your doctor a few weeks before. Yet compared to your friends you feel fine, or at least you think you do. Your parents don't seem to think so but you've never been very fond of them from how they treated you in the past. You only feel like it's going to get worse from here, you should try to make your friends your new family since they're the only ones that truely seem to care about you. It does sound like a lot of effort though...
[[Try to go find your small group of friends]]
[[The bell rings for class of the day]] Though there will be some edits as I don't want to share everything that happened to me, a lot of these choices are based on depressing moments that happened to me personally. THE END IS EXAGGERATED FOR THE SAKE OF STORY AND SANITY MECHANIC. I will also be using fake names for all of the people the player interacts with to protect my personal friends. Trigger warning about suicide, cutting, ect.
Mechanics: You are given different gauges, sanity and friendship with certain characters. If you have below certain amounts some options may be locked for you.
[[Life is...Okay I guess]]
Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You go to class, it's the begining of sophomore year and you already recognize a lot of faces from previous classes you had during your first year here. You still seem to have a bit of time to choose who you can sit next to, there's two people you know fairly well. Meghan was friends with Erica, you weren't too fond of her since it always felt like she was trying to steal Erica away from you but maybe if you two got closer it wouldn't feel that way. Ethan was on the other side of the class, drawing on his notebook before looking up and waving at you, you had known him since middle school, he seemed happy all the time but you hadn't talked to him much. You couldn't help but look to the corner of the room though, there was an empty seat just waiting to be taken.
[[Meghan]]
[[Ethan]]
[[Empty Seat]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
(set: $friendshipErica+=1)
Friendship with Erica: (print: $friendshipErica)
Though you two don't have a lot of time, Erica seems happy to see you and chat with you for a little bit about some games you both started playing. You have known her since elementary school, though you two seldom have falling outs, you two have been best friends for years.
[[The bell rings for class of the day]] Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Meghan: (set: $friendshipMeghan = 2)(print:$friendshipMeghan)
You make an effort to get to know Meghan better so that you can talk with both her and Erica when you're all together so you feel less anxious. It works a bit, you two find mutual interest in League of Legends and the few anime that you follow. The teacher walks in when you start getting deep into conversation and you feel a bit dissapointed that you two couldn't talk more.
[[Class starts]] Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Ethan: (set: $friendshipEthan = 1)(print:$friendshipEthan)
You walk over to Ethan and decide to sit next to him just because you remember him. Though you feel a bit anxious to say anything since you feel like you're going to bother him, you can't help but have the drawing he's working on catch your eye. It's a champion from League of Legends and you compliment his drawing, leading into a conversation on who you two play. It isn't long though before the teacher walks in and [[Class starts]].
Sanity: (set: $sanity-=1)(print:$sanity)
You take the empty seat, it's kind of nice to be in the quiet corner. After more people start pouring in and start talking to eachother you can't help but feel your depression start to take over. You feel alone, who would want to spend anytime talking to you though...You're boring and everyone just uses you because you care too much. You're broken out of your thoughts though when the teacher walks in.
[[Class starts]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Class goes by quickly, just generic syllabus and reading assignments.
(if: $friendshipMeghan >=2)
[[Meghan invites you to walk and talk with her]]
(if: $friendshipEthan >=1)
[[Ethan hands you something]]
(if: $friendshipMeghan <2 and $friendshipEthan<1)
[[Classes are finished for today]]
Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Meghan: (print: $friendshipMeghan)
You both start walking to the parking lot, classes are done for today. Though it was scary at first, you're genuinelly starting to enjoy talking with her. You're starting to feel a lot better about being with her and Erica without feeling alone from the thought of her stealing your best friend away. [[You could ask her to add you on Skype to play games later]]
...Or you could go to the parking lot right away and [[Get home]].Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Ethan: (set: $friendshipEthan +=1)(print: $friendshipEthan)
Ethan hands you a sketch of the champion you play the most of in League. He says he has to go but you cant help but feel happy that he put in the effort to draw you something nice. You make your way to the parking lot, drawing in hand, before your ride arrives and takes you home.
[[Get home]] Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You slowly make your way over to the parking lot, you feel like crap, as usual. You take a seat in the grass and wait for your ride to get there so you can go home and play games alone just like you did every day. You're lost in thought about how nothing ever seems to change but eventually your ride gets there and you get in the car.
[[The car ride is silent but you eventually get home]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You feel alright right now and you're sitting at your computer, aimlessly looking for something to do or play. You could...
(if: $friendshipMeghan>=3) [[Message Meghan to play something together]]
[[Pick some random game on Steam to play]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
During the car ride you constantly beat yourself up for being alone and only having one friend in the never ending silence, the only sound being the car that blurs as white noise. You don't just feel alone, you feel like a failure to your parents too and you can't shake the feeling or thoughts as the silence drowns you in them. You do inevitably get home but you immediately go up to your room and lie down. You have no motivation to do anything and all you feel is exhaustion. So you sleep the time and pain away.
[[Time goes on]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Meghan: (set: $friendshipMeghan +=1)(print: $friendshipMeghan)
You feel a bit scared to add her since you don't know her very well. Yet something compels you to ask and you both add eachother to play later. You feel a bit anxious after saying good bye but you get to your ride home and calm down.
[[Get home]] Sanity: (set: $sanity -=1) (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Meghan: (set: $friendshipMeghan +=1)(print: $friendshipMeghan)
Friendship with Erica: (set: $friendshipErica +=1)(print: $friendshipErica)
You message Meghan to play League with you and you play together for hours. After a few hours of playing Erica comes online and wants to join the two of you. You're happy since you almost never see Erica online and to play with the three of you, it makes you feel happy. So happy that you don't notice when your dad walks in and starts yelling at you for wasting time playing games on a school night. He almost takes your computer away for it but you convince him not to. Still it takes a massive toll on you and you have to log off from crying.
[[Time goes on]] Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You end up playing Skyrim alone for a few hours until you hear your dad pull up in the driveway and quickly close out your game. Your dad hated seeing you play games as he would use it as leverage to blame you for not getting better grades. You quickly opened up some assignment and started working on it so he was happy to see you busy when he walked upstairs.
[[Time goes on]] Sanity: (set: $sanity -=1)(print: $sanity)
The school year has been going by quickly but it's been taking a bit of a toll on you. Keeping up with friends takes a lot of effort out of you but you feel a lot closer to them than you have with any of your family. You have noticed that a lot of your friends have been seemingly a lot more depressed lately though. You have the nagging feeling that you should check up on someone today while you have time between homework and games...
[[Check in on Meghan]]
[[Check in on Ethan]]
[[Check in on Erica]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Meghan: (set: $friendshipMeghan +=1)(print: $friendshipMeghan)
Though Meghan says she's okay it's obvious to you that she's not. You've told enough people the same thing before that it's easily recognizable to you now. Deciding you want to just cheer her up though you ask if she wants to just play league and have some fun together. She agrees and you two play until late in the afternoon before your dad gets home. You still feel a bit off yourself but you're glad that you could at least make Meghan happier...It's easier to care for your friends than yourself.
[[You try to move forward, the year is almost over]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Ethan: (print: $friendshipEthan)
Ethan claims he's fine, yet something seems off but you cant quite put your finger on it. He seems a bit closed off about it but (if: $friendshipEthan >=2)[[You can push him to see if he will open up.]]
[[Brush it aside, he said he's fine so you shouldn't push it anymore]]
Sanity: (set: $sanity -=1)(print: $sanity)
Friendship with Erica: (print: $friendshipErica)
You check your messages and you see one from Erica, she is talking about how she wants to kill herself and attached is a picture of her slit wrists. You begin to have a panic attack, your best friend is crying to you and you don't know what to do.
[[Attempt to help her]]
[[You try to move forward, the year is almost over]] You stop asking him and continue to talk for a bit before he goes to sleep for the night. You feel like crap for not being able to help him but it really seemed like he didn't want to talk too much about it. Feeling a bit helpless there's not much else to do other than to go to sleep yourself.
[[You try to move forward, the year is almost over]]Sanity: (set: $sanity -=1)(print:$sanity)
Friendship with Ethan: (set: $friendshipEthan -=1)(print: $friendshipEthan)
He eventually gives and starts to tell you about how he is sick of his family life and is considering suicide. You want to help him but he ends up pushing you away in the end. There's nothing more you can do to help him. He hangs up on Skype without saying much more and you're left sitting there feeling like a burden yourself and that you just screwed up helping someone you care about.
[[You try to move forward, the year is almost over]] Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You feel the lowest you ever have before, you can't get out of this hole and you need help... You don't want to ask your parents since you feel they're just going to shove you into a hospital and make things even worse. All you have is your friends.
[[Ask Erica for help]]
[[Ask Meghan for help]]
[[Ask Ethan for help]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Erica: (set: $friendshipErica +=1)(print: $friendshipErica)
She cries to you for the rest of the night about her situation at home and how she struggles with the other groups of people she hangs out with. You manage to calm her down though and get her to go clean the cuts on her wrists before making her promise to go to sleep and stay safe. You feel like you did help her a lot but you're still worried. So worried that you feel a bit numb to what just happened. Despite having been in a panic attack for an hour after from fear, you feel empty after you're done crying. You sit at your desk blankly staring at Youtube videos for a few more hours before you feel so tired that you go to lay down and fall asleep quickly.
[[You try to move forward, the year is almost over]] Sanity: (set: $sanity-=1)(print: $sanity)
Friendship with Erica: (print:$friendshipErica)
You try to reach out to her, she's already struggling with her own problems. She tries to take your mind off it as best she can but it ultimately does nothing. You thank her anyway and try to ignore the fact that you were there for her when she needed it. You feel betrayed, angry even but there's nothing you can do about it. She has her own problems and you figured you must ask too much of her, you shouldn't have forced your problems onto another person, even if they're your best friend.
(if: $sanity<=1)[[You feel like you're drowning]]
(if: $sanity>=2)[[Somehow you pull through the year]]Sanity: (set:$sanity-=1)(print:$sanity)
Friendship with Meghan: (print:$friendshipMeghan)
You decide to go to Meghan for help getting rid of this feeling. You want to feel normal again, you hate feeling this low all the time with nobody to help.
(if: $friendshipMeghan<=4)[[You feel a bit awkward asking her for help]]
(if:$friendshipMeghan>=5)[[You message her and ask to hang out ASAP]]Sanity: (set:$sanity -=1)(print:$sanity)
Friendship with Ethan: (print: $friendshipEthan)
You find Ethan around campus and basically beg him to help you out of this. He knows full well how you feel since he deals with depression himself.
(if: $friendshipEthan<=2)[[He can't help you much though]]
(if: $friendshipEthan>=3)[[Ethan invites you to get food around campus]]Sanity: (set: $sanity -=1)(print: $sanity)
Friendship with Ethan: (print: $friendshipEthan)
You try to ask him for help but he's unable to really offer you any advice since he's dealing with the same issues. You sympathize and accept his decline to help. It stings but you understand that he's not in the position to help you when you two deal with similar things.
(if: $sanity<=1)[[You feel like you're drowning]]
(if: $sanity>=2)[[Somehow you pull through the year]]Sanity: (set: $sanity +=1) (print: $sanity)
Friendship with Ethan: (print: $friendshipEthan)
Despite being overwhelmed himself, he invites you to go get food and you two talk about the same issues you're having. Where it doesn't offer you much comfort, it does make you feel less alone. Feeling less alone gives you some sense of things turning out okay. You still feel depressed and anxious about everything though, but you're happy that Ethan put a lot of effort in to help you too.
(if: $sanity<=1)[[You feel like you're drowning]]
(if: $sanity>=2)[[Somehow you pull through the year]]Sanity: (set: $sanity-=1)(print:$sanity)
Too awkward actually, you decide not to ask her. You would probably be too much trouble anyway, she's got enough to deal with. Her family and mental health are too important, you shouldn't rely on others like that.
(if: $sanity<=1)[[You feel like you're drowning]]
(if:$sanity>=2)[[Somehow you pull through the year]]Sanity: (set: $sanity+=1)(print: $sanity)
Friendship with Meghan: (print: $friendshipMeghan)
Meghan quickly meets up with you as soon as she's able, you take a walk around outside, telling her all your concerns and why you feel like you're unable to cope anymore. She listens and offers the best advice she's able to and you can't help but feel a little better even though your problems didn't go away.
(if: $sanity<=1)[[You feel like you're drowning]]
(if: $sanity>=2)[[Somehow you pull through the year]]Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You can't escape it no matter how hard you try. Your head is being rammed with suicidal thoughts and you can't take it anymore. Everyday is filled with crying and there is no escape from it, nobody that you can confide in. There's no reason to live like this...so you don't.Sanity: (print: $sanity)
You scrape by, maybe barely, but you still make it. You can recover emotionally a bit over summer break and maybe confide more in the friends that you tried so hard to get close to. Maybe next year will be better.