3 Beds, 6 Guys bein dudes

It's the big day! As a new college student, you arrive at your new dorm room early in the morning to move in. The room is an empty triple, so it's pretty easy to get your stuff stowed away and claim the bottom bunk. Y'know, for a room that's supposed to house three people, this is pretty small. Whatever, next year you'll be living the high life in the apartments. You're setting up your massive, epic monstrosity of a gaming PC when one of your new roommates arrives. Actually, it's both of them! Turns out they're friends from high school, named Carl and Eugene. Hopefully they don't gang up on you. There's still a few hours before orientation begins. What do you do? [[Hey guys, wanna get some lunch?]] [[Finish setting up battlestation]] [[Explore campus alone]] [[Pick your toenails]] (set: $TimesButtonClicked = 0)

"Hey guys, wanna get some lunch?" "Yeah sure, are you set up yet Eugene?" Carl asked. "YUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" Eugene belched. "Alright then lads, let us head to the dining hall." You three swipe in at the DH and there's some food. Whaddya want? [[Bagel with cream cheese]] [[Eggs and pancakes]] [[Quinoa Salad]] [[Cream of Asparagus soup]] [[Sobe lifewater]] [[Mountain dew and fritos]] [[Plain yogurt with frozen blueberries, pecans, honey, cinnamon, and peanut granola]] [[Vegan polpette, natural bridges tofu scramble, oven roasted allergen free chicken thigh, and cheese sauce]] [[Just water]] [[Not even water]] [[A panoply of cookies]] [[Seasonal roasted vegetables and a pesto onion sandwich]] [[Peanut butter]] [[A slice of cantaloupe that you accidentally dropped and is now covered in floor spice]] [[Edamame beans with soy sauce]] [[Hamburger and fries with ketchup]] [[Overly salted kale salad]] [[Red beets, purple beets, AND golden beets]] [[Pizza and cookies]] [[Sugar syrup... I mean chai tea! It's definitely chai tea, I swear!]] [[Baby cornlets]] [[DIY salad]]

You're itchin' to game, so let's set this mothertrucker up. ... Ok, all of the wires are in the right ports, power thingie plugged in, let's try to turn it on. No dice. What do you do? {(if: $TimesButtonClicked < 3)[[[Press the power button again]]] (else:)[[[Press the power button again->IT WORKED!]]]} [[Unplug stuff and plug it back in again]] [[Cry in bed]]

You step outside your room, which now reeks of root beer (Eugene) and axe body spray (Carl). This campus is pretty big, and classes start in a couple days, so now seems like a good time to scout out your lecture halls. You choose the most secluded path on your way to the lecture hall, because let's be honest, when you and another person are walkin at each other from like 50 feet away, when do you acknowledge each other? Should you pretend the other person doesn't exist and continue living your existence with an inescapable feeling of loneliness, just like everyone else? Your existential train of thought is interrupted by a sensation in your pants. A squirrel. Oh crap, what if this thing has rabies? Another one launches itself from a nearby oak tree and attaches itself to your shoe. No wonder people don't take this path! [[Fight the squirrels until there are none left]] [[Run for your life]]

[[You eat your food.]]

You really know how to work your way around the dining hall. [[You eat your food.]]

[[You eat your food.]]

What does panoply even mean? [[You eat your food.]]

[[You eat your food.]]

They can't be beet. [[You eat your food.]]

Hi Daniel. [[You eat your food.]]

[[You eat your food.]]

You walk over to the table that Eugene and Carl have claimed, and plop down next to them. "Holy crap dude." Says Carl "BROOOOOOOOO WHAT?!?!?" belches Eugene, mouth agape, jaw unhinged. "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen a human being consume. Absolutely uncouth my man." You feel ashamed. It's your first day in college, and you've already disgraced yourself in front of your roomies. Life is hell. You devour your food in silence as Carl finesses his filet mignon with herbed potatoes and Eugene snorts his Smarties powder. [[Go back to dorm]]

You arrive home, by yourself, exhausted from recent events. You're planning on just resting in bed, or maybe getting your game on, when you nearly trip over something. There's someone you don't recognize lying down right in the middle of the floor. [[Who is this guy?]]

Your mind clears itself as you enact Crane Stance level three, Ultimate Pose of the Lightning Deity Kha'zap. Static charge fills the air, coalescing at your fingertips, as you deliver a mighty karate-chop-of-the-four-winds to the squirrel in your pants. Too late, you realize the true intention of the pants squirrel; its body, filled with the gasoline-coated potato chips that the engineering majors always feed it, violently explodes your right leg off. "NOOOOOOOOO! How will I ever explain this to my mom???" You shouldn't have shouted. The squirrels hear your cries, and pin you down as they devour your flesh. The last thing you feel before you die is a toothpick with the squirrelian flag being impaled in your back. Bad ending.

You get the heck out of dodge, reaching the end of the forested lane just before the stampede of rodents catches up. A campus security officer awaits at the end, between two classroom buildings, flamethrower at the ready. "Don't worry kid, I'll take care of this." "Thank you ma'am!" This campus is a freaky place, and you no longer feel like finding your classrooms. That can wait until tomorrow. [[Go back to dorm]]

(set: $TimesButtonClicked += 1) You click the button. Cool beans. [[Nothin Yet->Finish setting up battlestation]]

You spend about 15 minutes replugging the cords (in case any of them were loose). You're about to boot up this puppy when [[there's a knock at the door.]]

It didn't work the first time? You're useless. Inadequate. If you can't even set up a stupid PC, then how are you going to make friends, or pass your classes, or... . . . . . You bury your head in your Pikachu pillow and start to sob. "WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR!" You shout. An eternity of depression goes by, but then [[there's a knock at the door.]]

Aww yeah, this baby is now runnin. You put on your cat ear headset and fire up League of Warcraft. Your consciousness melds with the computer as you grind hard for that rare loot. Someone taps you on the shoulder. "Hey kid, it's winter break, you gotta get outta the dorms. There's a $100 fine for trespassin'. What's your name?" Crap, already winter quarter? I probably failed my classes... True Gamer ending

You move over to the door, and look through the peephole, but there's nobody there. Confused, you open the door, and there's a guy crouching below you. "Hahaa! I bet I got you with that one!" he exclaims. [[Who is this guy?]]

"Oi! Hello, Roommate! My name is Plufsig! ...I will be taking this top bunk." "Wait, that's Eugene's-", but Plufsig was already climbing up the ladder with his sleeping bag. "I feel powerful up here! I love this place!" [[Call for Eugene]] [[Talk with Plufsig]] [[Play a better choose-your-own-adventure game]]

"EUGEEEEENE!" Plufsig looked at the door concerned, as if someone were about to burst through, but after a moment, he asks you: "Eugene? Who is Eugene, mr. ... what's your name?" "$name. But you can call me Chad." You say, but you're a little distracted. Why hasn't Eugene come yet? Alrighty then, it's time to unleash the forbidden technique. You take out a highlighter from your backpack, snap it in half, and let its neon blood dribble down your hands. You slam hour hands on the floor and mutter the incantation. "YUH! WAS POPPEEEEEEEEEN!?" belches Eugene as he emerges upward from the floor. "This guy says he's our roommate, and is claiming your bed." You explain. "HUUH?" Eugene belches. Plufsig is frantic. "No, no, no, I swear that I am heir to this room, I will show you!" He reached into his backpack, grabbed his phone, and brought up an email from housing, shoving it in Eugene's face. "You see!? Room 421, PB apartment building B." The three of you stood in the room confused, discussing and trying to rationalize this strange mistake, when [[the door suddenly opened]].

"So... How're you liking the campus so far, Plufsig?" "It is good! There's free water from these metal buildings, and there are lots of them!" He must be talking about water fountains. Right then, [[the door suddenly opened]].

http://pr-if.org/play/lostpig/ Fun game where you play as an orc named Grunk. Grunk Ending

"Hey hey, what's up my pups? Nice to meet cha, brah." This total intruder reached out his hand for a shake, so you reciprocated, but he must've stolen Carl's key card or something to get in here. Suspicious. Carl himself entered the room a moment later, as this nameless newcomer checked out your big PC rig. "My man, you are takin up all of the power outlets over here. Lemme use one, my phone is on 40%." And then he unplugged like 2 different cords from YOUR powerstrip to make way for his oversized charging brick. Bruh. Carl walked in and was flabbergasted, "What in my rich ass father's name is going on here? Are you already inviting your weird friends over?" He asked you. "No, honestly I have no idea who these two are. Well, that guy up there is Plufsig." "Oi, friend!" Plufsig called down to Carl. "And then there's this dude." you say, referring to the man who was now spitting at people below from out the window. "I haven't introduced myself, have I?", he says, "I'm Eddie. Sup dudes. I thought this was a triple though, yah?" [[A new challenger approaches!]]

*Shnk Shnk Shnk!* Shurikens flew throughout the room, pinning everyone's shirts or jackets to the walls. A tall man appeared behind Carl in the doorway. He wore an overly large hoodie, large enough to obscure his face. "Yes. That's fine. See you later." The man put his hand up to the side of his hood and seemed to press a button. "Sorry, everyone. I was on a call. My name is on the business cards I have just given you." You detach the shuriken from your right arm, and sure enough, it had writing on it. *That Man, the most reliable hitman. 385-0081*. Carl scoffs. "Your name is 'That Man'? And you're a hitman?" A really, really, deep voice eminated from the hood, "Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" *Must be a voice changer or something.* "No, sir." Carl replied, looking a little scared. Back in a normal voice, "It seems we've all been assigned to the same room here. We should decide who sleeps with who for tonight." "Yea, yea! Good idea!" Piped Plufsig. *What? No! That's a horrible idea! *"Guys, we should just ask housing to fix this." You suggest. "Housing office is closed." Everyone else said in unison. "Yeah, you noob! It's only open on the weekdays. Everyone knows that." belched Eugene, bursting out of the closet. Who knows when he got there. *Well crap, now I gotta choose. After we go to orientation, who should I sleep with tonight?* [[Carl]] [[Eugene]] [[Plufsig]] [[Eddie]] [[That Man]] [[.->It was all just a dream]]

That night, you sleep in the top bunk with Carl. You're up against the wall, and he's at the railing, facing away from you. "Goodnight" You say. "Don't talk to me." He haughtily retorts. Okay then. During the night, Carl doesn't move around much, and you wake up to the Monday scent of 6 guys bein' dudes. Carl ending

That night, you sleep in the loft bed with Eugene. Wow, was this a bad idea. His sticky forearm is pressing up against your back, and he's farted at least three times by now. "Goodnight" you say. Eugene belched something in response, but it was kinda hard to tell what. Pressed firmly up against the wall, you are an idiot sandwich. A few hours pass by, and eventually you're tired of trying to fall asleep so you suffer through the rest of the night. Dead tired, the sunlight hits your eyes at 8 am, and you smell the scent of 6 guys bein' dudes. Eugene ending

That night, you sleep in the top bunk with Plufsig. It's pretty roomy, so maybe this was a good choice. "Goodnight" you say. "Don't let the bed slugs bite!" he replies. Plufsig brought some kind of heated sleeping bag, which he's all wrapped up in, but it still radiates a lot of heat outward. It's so hot in fact, that it's kind of hard to sleep. But eventually the warmth consumes your consciousness. You wake up that morning and notice Plufsig is on the ground making tea in an electric kettle, and the room smells like 6 guys bein' dudes. Plufsig ending

That night, you sleep in the bottom bunk with Eddie. He's on his phone playing Flappy Bird. *Wow, that game exists, and this guy is still playing it.* "Goodnight" you say. "DUDE! YOU MESSED UP MY RUN, WHAT THE HELL BRO!?" "Shut up, loudmouthed peasant!" you hear from the top bunk. Must be Carl. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH. WHAT HE SAID." belched Eugene, from the same bed. You roll over to avoid the glare of the screen, and fall asleep. Until Eddie does too, and spread his arms and legs out all up in your personal space. Delirious, you feel slightly angry and fall back asleep. Eventually, you wake up to his obnoxious 6:30am alarm, and the first thing you notice is the smell of 6 guys bein' dudes. Eddie ending

That night, you sleep with That Man in the lower bunk. He's a statue. "Goodnight" you say. *This is ominous.* You wake up in the morning to That Man missing, instead replaced with Eddie's bloody head staining the sheets. The stench of dried blood is overpowering, but not as overpowering as the smell of 6 guys bein' dudes. That Man ending

You don't feel like being productive, so you spend the next hour or so picking your toenails. Carl and Eugene left a bit ago, but now [[there's a knock at the door.]]

[[It was all just a dream->You arrive at your room]]

(put: (prompt: "What's your name?","") into $name) [[Cool story, bro.->You arrive at your room]]