It's been almost seven months since Kaye passed, and I still haven't taken her number out of my speed dial. There's no good reason for keeping her old office phone number in my cell phone. It's an act of denial, perhaps. Or maybe it's just comforting in some way to scroll through my phone and see her name come up again and believe for half a second that I could still press a button and hear her matronly voice and full laugh ring in my ear. That brief moment of comfort is always followed a few seconds of tightening behind the eyes as I remember where and when we are today .