Recently, I woke up to the fact that I unexpectedly had acquired the role of an elder in my family. Having lost my own parents more than a decade ago, I had aunts and uncles who were eager to offer their wisdom and advice when I needed guidance, or when I was hungry for my Indian roots. Slowly, one by one, they also have passed.
Growing up, my family’s “connectedness” was something I could count on. From the outside, the Jefferson clan came together looking like a swap meet. Sibs and cousins shared everything, our parents and our toys. We laughed and fought; we received love and discipline from all of the elders by an occasional knowing gaze, a squeeze, or light pinch. We learned to listen, to hear the bond of our family. It was carried out in the stories of our grandparents, the one-room house, and the trips to town on the buckboard, hunting, and sewing with ribbons. It was a joy to hear of the vigor in their lives, the laughing and the sorrows of family members lost. From our parents we heard the tales of Goodland Indian School where as young children they struggled to stay a family, regardless of separation by their classes and dormitories, or work requirements.
The experience of aging naturally assigns a new role; it seems to bridge the gap between the future and the past, a social transmission of culture to inform the younger. It reaffirms who we are, developing from the memory of the ages and from our own life experiences. As well, it is a social experience, slowly perceived by ourselves and others. To age is also a change to the body-based identity, image, and self-identity. For some it is interpreted as a natural experience, a positive or negative transformation, as simply adjustments to our accustomed state. For others it is an unpleasant inequity and disparity of life. Aging, like our lives, mirrors the context in which it occurs; it is certainly culturally produced, and it reflects our exploration of ourselves. Health becomes a primary concern among elders; its impact overshadows how we function and contribute to others.
