UC San Diego

Within the production process of Mother Courage and Her Children, I discovered parallels between the character of Mother Courage and myself. In the play, Mother Courage trudges forward with her cart, facing difficult decisions with unpredictable outcomes. She relies heavily on her ego for protection, which results in the loss of all three of her children. Mother Courage is resilient, however she lacks the ability to actively acknowledge, accept, and engage in challenging situations without falling victim to stress, self-judgement, and self-doubt. Resilience has always been one of my greatest strengths, but during the process of Mother Courage and Her Children, I observed how my own resilience can negatively impact the production process. Mother Courage and her cart symbolize self-imposed expectations, personal baggage, and the destructive qualities of ego. She is resistant to engaging with her authentic self, and lacks presence. I relied upon my resilience to weather the challenges of the process, and this behavior distanced me from my fellow collaborators. I became Mother Courage and her cart, operating solely on resilience, without its counterpart, equanimity, losing the connection to the cast, director, and stage management team. However, in the technical phase of the process, I rebuilt those connections. By detaching from my ego, accepting the situations for what they were, and engaging with my authentic self, I found the balance between my resilience and equanimity. My experience with the Mother Courage process helped me to live in the mess with equanimity, while accepting and acknowledging my own resilience.