Ultrathin transition metal carbides with high capacity, high surface area, and high conductivity are a promising family of materials for applications from energy storage to catalysis. However, large-scale, cost-effective, and precursor-free methods to prepare ultrathin carbides are lacking. Here, we demonstrate a direct pattern method to manufacture ultrathin carbides (MoC_x, WC_x, and CoC_x) on versatile substrates using a CO₂ laser. The laser-sculptured polycrystalline carbides (macroporous, ~10-20 nm wall thickness, ~10 nm crystallinity) show high energy storage capability, hierarchical porous structure, and higher thermal resilience than MXenes and other laser-ablated carbon materials. A flexible supercapacitor made of MoC_x demonstrates a wide temperature range (-50 to 300 °C). Furthermore, the sculptured microstructures endow the carbide network with enhanced visible light absorption, providing high solar energy harvesting efficiency (~72 %) for steam generation. The laser-based, scalable, resilient, and low-cost manufacturing process presents an approach for construction of carbides and their subsequent applications.