Bits torn from words examines the mental health condition of generalized anxiety disorder – how the dread of even the most inconsequential circumstances feels gargantuanly out of proportion to its relative impact. In expanded song form, voices traverse through wavering pitches, surrendered exclamations, and quivering breaths, all conveying the vivid manifestations of anxiety in the body and psyche. The title comes from the opening pages of Dictee (1982) by the pioneering Korean American conceptual artist Theresa Hak Kyung Cha (1951-82). Through intricate diagrams and vivid prose, Cha illustrates the visceral phenomenology of vocalization, and the yearning to say and be heard.In the first movement, Reach across oceans (intro), a soloist desperately wails into the expanse in an attempt to reach another. Evoking p’ansori, this Korean vocal tradition nearly requires damage to the vocal cords in such a way to produce a uniquely raw and soul-wrenching intensity. In the second movement, I’m terrible at making decisions (refrain), the mental fatigue of facing infinite options is expressed through a repetitive torrent of utterances. The third movement, Notice how your body spreads like water (post-refrain), comes from Yoga nidra, a guided meditation practice for the purposes of sleep and relieving stress which often helps me to find a place allowing the ability to rest. The fourth movement, GaNaDaRaMaBaSa AJaChaKaTaPaHa (bridge), concentrates on the 14 consonants of the Korean alphabet, the very roots and building blocks of the language through aspirated articulations layered in chained suspensions. From here, the beginning of the piece returns in this fifth movement, embracing our coexistence with the natural ebb and flow of anxiety in our consciousness.
Finally, the last movement poses the question: “If __________ did happen, how bad would it be?” Taken from a worksheet from my therapist on disputing irrational anxieties, the question serves as a space for introspection and mindfulness, to be more compassionate with ourselves, to comfort and to nourish. If it doesn’t go perfectly, if it doesn’t pan out, and so on and so forth… how bad would it be?